Random thoughts....

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (and all other celebs requesting privacy):  I find it incredibly difficult to feel sorry for people who spend almost every day screaming "Look at ME!!!  Right here!  I mean, I'm right here on the screen....check it out!!!  Better yet, pay money to look at me!  I'm worthy of your money!!!", and then get mad when people do in fact keep on looking.  I can't help but wonder if they're more upset about the fact that they're privacy is being intruded on, or the fact that someone is making a buck at their expense.  I'm sure it's annoying (if not exhausting) to be in the public eye every moment of every day, but that's the price they pay.  Not that I spend much time looking - I could care less where they're having their baby...

Random thought of the day...

This just hit me.  Is there anything nastier than sitting on an already warm toilet seat?  I mean, sure, nobody likes it freezing cold, but if it's warm....that's sharing someone else's butt warmth.  You're absorbing something that use to be in someone else's ass into your own.   I want no part of that - no sirreeee.  Imagine an unhygenic  person in your head.  Now imagine them naked.  NOW imagine the last part of them you'd like to touch , and now you're sitting there, absorbing heat from that part.  Ya - ew.  Especially if it's a PUBLIC bathroom (Yeah - because you needed THAT particular detail rolling around in your head...)  The warmth of a complete stranger is unacceptable.  So there - take that along with you for the rest of the day.  Your welcome.

In case any of you are wondering (and I know you are)- the weather here is just awful.  The clouds need to stop dinking around and either rain or move off.  It's been that hazy, misty, crappy cold moisture that seems to get down the back of your shirt no matter direction you're standing.  Besides that, my windshield wipers broke and I'm sick of stopping every four blocks to get out of the car and manually move the wipers myself.   I hate it.  It's depressing. 

Pray for sunlight.  I'm out.

J

Once again, I'm moving into a new apartment.  Well, NEW might be a little misleading - I think homesteaders probably set the foundation and lets just say that mildew can't form that thickly over the course of just a few years.  Anyways, it's home. 

Being in college and moving into a real apt is a little weird though.  I have no furniture (Dordt supplied it), almost no dishes (just shared with roomies), and no bed.  I look pretty pathetic through and through.  A normal person would go and buy some of these necessities, but I'm moving back to Dordt in August and will then be faced with the opposite problem of having too much stuff.  I'll pretty much sit there looking rather sad with no belongings for the next few months.

Work has been absolutely insane.  I told my boss that I'm willing to work quite a bit over the next couple of months.  She scheduled me for EVERY DAY from today until March 18th.  I'm all for money, but seriously, I need to have a life.  She scheduled me for all evenings too!!  3-11's and 6-11's!  Thank the Lord my gf lives in Chicago because if she were even here, I'd probably see the same amount of her. 

Anyways, I need to run some errands.  The place needs some cleaning supplies and other necessities, and my car needs to be cleaned out.  Hope everything is going well for everyone.  Leave a message.

J

Hello again everyone.  It's late and I, once again, cannot sleep.  The events of this evening have kept me thinking.  See, I was at a wedding tonight.  It was wonderful of course – the bride was gorgeous, the groom was handsome, and everyone could see that they were obviously in love.  It was my second wedding in two weeks.  Here are some observations about the weddings in general:

1. If you go to the wedding with a significant other, you better (BETTER) not chuckle when you see her crying as the little flower girl/ring bearer/grandparents/photographer/ random stranger SHE'S NEVER MET goes by.  I did.   With the look I got, I'm pretty sure the invite to my own wedding is no longer a sure thing.   (Note:  This last one didn't actually happen to me, but a friend.  I put myself in there to keep the narritive running smoothly...suckers.  I would never do such a thing.)

2.   Regardless of the person, any bride will look beautiful on her wedding day.  I’ve known both brides in the last two weddings and found myself shocked when they walked down the isle (and it’s not like they were homely to begin with).  They literally glowed.  At that point I looked at the groom with a little bit of pity.  I mean seriously, would you want to stand NEXT to the prettiest thing in the room?  Both were good looking guys, but looked like lepers standing next to their brides.  Granted, everyone in the room knows who she’s going home with…  

3.  The “in” thing for grooms to do now is cry (maybe it’s not so new…?).  I mean sobbing, trying to make it through the vows, blubbering, wondering why (oh why!?) the handkerchief that came with the tux is just for show and doesn't come out of the pocket.  The poor guy in the first wedding was so emotional that when he had to read his own vows off the paper, he actually read “page 2” out loud. *crowd laughs*  The good thing is that everyone in the church thought it was rather touching (including me) and all it did was add to the effect of how strongly he felt about his bride.  Also, when I think about it, I would much rather see an emotional couple than two stone cold figures up there just nodding along with the pastor.  

4.   Unless they know what they’re doing, Pastors need to stick with the regular liturgy.  This pastor tonight started quoting divorce statistics to the couple, and complimented them on how brave they are to get married in our society.  Call me a traditionalists, but the D word should never be uttered just as a couple is about to give their vows – even if the pastor does end it with a good point.  It was very odd.  I mean, after a woman gives birth, does a doctor say, “Man, aren’t you glad you didn’t go through with that whole abortion thing??”  I’m sure the woman would indeed be glad she had her baby, but you get the idea…  

5.    Watching people that in love makes you think.  I’m not saying the thoughts are good or bad, but it’s impossible to look at them and not be moved to some sort of thought.  You can almost feel the synapses jumping when you look around.  Maybe an old couple is remembering their wedding, knowing what the young couple has in store.  Another couple looks at each other and knows their ready to take that next step, and another couple knows they aren’t.  A lot of times when you look around in church, the majority of people have some sort of glazed over look on their eyes.  Personally, I use to count things.  Bricks, planks, pews, people, Bibles…you name it.  Not so at weddings.

Okay, that’s all on that.  I’m sleepy now.  Maybe more later.  Comment.

Sorry for my absence in updating.  Work has been crazy and to be honest, I just haven’t really had a whole lot to write about.  Each day is much like the last, dragging from one to the next.  I spent the last weekend in Mason City, having to go home to pick up a car and go to the wedding of a friend.  By the way, it was a wedding so perfect that I actually get a little nauseous at the idea of having my own ever compared to it.  Thank you Kim and Mike Goodwin (isn’t that an awesome last name too?).

While the weekend was fun and eventful, I won’t bore any of you with its specifics.  I saw my family, I got a car, I went to a wedding, and had lots of fun in the process.   Something interesting did happen on the way home though.

The ride from Mason City to Sioux Center is about three and a half hours long.  It’s quite possibly the worst drive in the Midwest.  The road is usually full of tractors and combines, all incapable of traveling more than 30 mph, and the cars don’t do much better.  The land is flat, the sun is constantly in your eyes, and radio stations seem to feel that hog prices and recorded church sermons are more entertaining than actual music.  Okay, maybe it’s not that bad but you get the idea.  It makes for a long trip.

So there I was, traveling along, when a cop passes me traveling in the opposite direction.  He hits the breaks, the lights go on, and he starts a u-turn.  Shit.  Now in all honesty – seriously – I have no idea what he thought he was going to pull me over for.  I wasn’t speeding.  In fact, I had just slowed down for a tractor, and was a few mph under the 55 limit.  I hadn’t been driving erratically, all my lights worked, and you get the idea.  I was Mr. DMV himself.  The cop pulled up behind me. 

My hands were on the wheel.  A cop friend told me to do that – I guess cops like to see your hands when they walk up to the car, and at that point I was all about making cops happy.  I looked in my rear view mirror and watched him get out of the squad car.  He closed his door, and started walking toward me.  It was hot out – sunny without a cloud in the sky.  He had his sun glasses on.

About fifteen yards from my rear bumper the cop stumbled.  A puff of dirt went up.  Then he fell.  Now let me make sure you understand this.  He didn’t just fall to his knees and get up as though nothing happened.  This was one of those “feet hit the ground LAST, dirt in your hair, hands didn’t have time to break your fall, absolutely made an ass of yourself” falls.  And I watched it all happen.  His sunglasses landed somewhere up by my rear doors, his gun fell to the side, and his tidy black uniform was now a grumbled mess of sand, dirt, gravel, and prairie grass.  He just laid there for a second and then slowly got up.  He dusted himself off, looking around, wondering if there had been a trip wire or something hidden away somewhere.  “No sireee,” I though, “You did that all by yourself, big guy.”  Now anyone who knows me will tell you that I LOVE good slap-stick comedy.  For some reason, watching people slip, trip, fall, get hit with something, or any other kind of physical comedy, absolutely floors me.  I will laugh so hard I cry at the site of a good stumble.  And I had just witnessed a doosie.

The cop finally looked up at my car and suddenly remembered that he had pulled someone over.  He looked mad.  I was laughing.  I don’t know why it took me so long, but the thought hit me like a load of bricks:  “Jason, there is no way in hell you’re getting out of a ticket while laughing at the police officer who pulled you over.”  Being that he didn’t really have a good reason to pull me over in the first place, I figured he was probably in the mood to make something up - my pointing and laughing would probably spark his creativity.  Double shit. 

I think everyone can appreciate a good attack of the giggles.  I think everyone has been in church, at a funeral, in a breakup, listening to a friend complain/cry about something, or other places where it’s inappropriate to laugh, and been absolutely incapable of holding it in.  The officer walked up to my window. 

I had somehow stopped laughing.  My face was straight, my hands were on the wheel (white knuckled mind you), and I was breathing regularly.  Now laughs don’t just disappear.  They’re like pressure in a balloon:  just because you squeeze it somewhere doesn’t mean the air there disappears – it goes somewhere else - the same with laughter.  My knees were bouncing.

“Hello sir.  How are you today?” asked the officer.

“Not too bad.  Heading home.”  I replied.

“Any idea why I pulled you over today?” 

“No idea actually.  I was pretty surprised.”  My stomach heaved.  My legs buckled together.  I held my breath.

That’s when it happened.  A curve appeared at the right corner of my mouth.  It was unavoidable – I had to laugh.  Air was coming up and I had to do something.  I went with plan A:  I turned my head away from the officer and coughed.  A lot.  I was smiling the whole time, praying that if I let out a little of the “pressure”, I would be able to control it a little better.  I took a moment and figured I was okay to turn my head back toward the cop.

I said plan A earlier because I originally had a plan B and C.  I forget what they were now, but I guess it doesn’t really matter.  After I turned my head back to the cop I completely lost it.  I started smiling as soon as I looked at the dirt on his uniform and started heaving when I saw it all replayed in my head.  I held onto the wheel, put my head on it, and just laughed.  Tears streamed down my cheek. 

After what felt like a good ten minutes, I heard, “Its not that funny sir.”  I laughed harder.

This story is already ridiculously long for all that happened, so I’ll just leave it and simply say that the cop was OBVIOUSLY embarrassed (his cheeks turned a shade of red nature never intended) and admitted that he had forgotten why he pulled me over in the first place.  He told me to get to wherever I was going.  I nodded in agreement, still trying to breath regularly.  I threw the car into first and took off.  I cop pulled off into the opposite direction.

Okay, some of you may be sitting there thinking that the story I just told is pretty dumb.  Well, that’s just tough.  It’s my blog site – back off.  I’ve been chuckling the entire time it’s taken me to write it.  Comment if you like.

I didn’t eat yesterday.  The fact that I didn’t eat anything in itself is a little worrisome, but not what’s bothering me.  What’s bothering me is that I didn’t eat because I didn’t remember to.  That’s right people – read it again –I forgot to eat.  Now some of you may be crying b.s. and that’s okay.  I don’t blame you.   But I’m completely serious - I woke up this morning with a raging hunger and no idea as to why.   I haven’t regularly eaten breakfast since middle school and haven’t felt hunger pains for that meal since…so I was definitely wondering what was up.  I tried to think back to the last time I had eaten and found myself at a complete blank.  Supper? – no, I was at work.  Lunch? – I took a nap before work and skipped it.  Breakfast? – see above.  I remembered a cookie at the hospital because I had to share it with a resident (it’s the only way I could get her to eat and when I say share, I mean we ate separate ones at the same time).  Other than that all I could remember was drinking water and a can of coke.  That was the point at which I got a little worried.

You ever have an idea hit and then have your whole perspective changed?  Whether or not that perspective is accurate is debatable, but I feel as though I’m freakin a little.  I took a shower this after noon and looked in the mirror only to realize that I can see ribs.  Ribs!!  Now when the hell did that happen?!  The good news is that I can see abs as well, so I got pumped, but quickly focused back on the problem.  Anyone who knows me at all knows that I think a little too much.  I started to wonder…can you be anorexic and not know it?  I don’t think I’m fat and actually enjoy the way I look, so I dismissed that one pretty quick.  I thought about it a bit and realized that food isn’t the problem.  I think I have a memory problem.

I started to realize how often I really forget things – stupid little things.  I was in the shower the other day and forgot whether or not I had already washed my hair.  “Was that today or yesterday…?” I just sat there, feeling my hair, wondering if it was squeaky enough (by the way, when Jesus comes back and asks me to give an account of my life, I wonder what he’s going to say when I explain that a couple of hours were devoted to checking for squeakiness and re-rinsing armpits because I found soap there ten minutes after getting out of the shower the first time).  As you’ve probably guessed, the shower isn’t exactly a place of glory for me.  My IQ drops about forty points when I get under hot water.  Example:  I don’t allow myself to buy liquid soap anymore – shampoo goes on the body, body wash goes in the hair (every time!).  I’m almost 23 and still can’t…..never mind.

Back to the forgetting.  If you were to introduce me to someone, I’d have a better chance of guessing their social security number than remembering their name ten minutes after meeting them.  This one is especially embarrassing and gets me into more trouble than the rest.  I also lose keys like it’s my job.  And there are many, many  more examples of how I forget things…

Also frustrating is how I remember things that have absolutely no bearing on my life whatsoever.  For example, I just pulled these facts of the top of my head, typing as fast as possible…

The average person laughs 13 times a day…which reminds me that my life isn’t near funny enough.

On average, 1000 people choke on ball point pens every year…I just don’t know what to say about that.

Apples are more effective at keeping people awake in the morning than coffee.

Bacteria increase from 1 to 1 billion in a petrel dish in 24 hours.

If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

The most common name in the world is Mohammad.

The Catfish holds the record for most taste buds on a single tongue…Now really, what did the Catfish do to deserve such a horrible fate?  I mean, do you know what a catfish eat!?!  Granted, I’ve never tried the gunky green crap off the bottom of the pond, but I can’t say that it looks too tasty.

The average cow will poop 16 times a day…I’m particularly proud of remembering this one. 

I think I’ll end things on that note.  Comment if you like…

-J

Abraham Lincoln once said, "A woman is the only thing I'm afraid of that I know won't hurt me."  If you know anything about his wife, you'd probably understand why he said such a thing (of the many strange quirks she had, one story has her sleeping on her own side of the bed so his spirit could rest in its usual spot).  Now I don't want to say that I have as many problems as old Abe did, but things are getting tense.  As most of you know, I'm a CNA at the local hospital in town.  As of about a month ago, I'm the only male CNA in the whole hospital.  The only other guys are doctors, maintenance, and administrators - and no, we don't usually cross paths (I think they laugh at me for doing a “girl’s” job – one called me “mam” aarrggghh!!!). 

I've come to realize that at work, I'm now one of the girls (almost).  The other day one girl told me that her period was really heavy and that the cramps were driving her insane.  One pregnant woman discussed her sore boobs and diarrhea openly, asking for advice from all of the experienced ladies who happened to be standing at the nursing station (and they had plenty).  By the way, did you know that some women, while pregnant, will grow extra nipples?? - That’s the kind of stuff I'm talking about.... 

The only time I’m not “one of the girls” is when they’re complaining about men.  Then they’re more than happy to talk about how dumb, stupid, insensitive, mean, non-committal, smelly, and apelike, all men are at some point during any hour of the day.  Guys do suck – I’ve learned this much.  Once I tried to stand up for guys but found that the dirty looks and barrage of arguing I had to put up with just wasn’t worth it.  They were venting – not asking for my opinion.  A little thing I’ve learned about women:  They often speak in rhetorical questions.  They don’t want an answer…  I just keep my mouth shut and shout out a “you go girl!” once every few hours.  I usually cower in the corner, trying to look busy, praying for a resident to need the bathroom or something so I can leave with good reason. 

So, like I said, things are tense.  Work is good overall.  I’m getting hours like crazy.  I have a twelve hour shift tomorrow - 6p to 6a – and I think most of it is going to be overtime.  Whoo hoo.  A coworker said she’s going to lend me the first two seasons of ER on DVD, so I’ll have something to do while I’m not at work.  And I get paid on Wednesday.  It’s going to be a good week.  Talk to you all soon. 

Leave a comment!!

J

Okay, I have to apologize.  It has been a long time since my last update - but I have a good reason:  Finals.   While I could go on a long rant on how useless and detrimental to the learning process final exams really are....I wont.  It occurs to me that as much as I hate finals, I'm paying the school to give them to me.  *ahem*

So here I am in my very own apt.  This is the first time I have truly lived on my own.  I use to live in a small apt with five other guys.  We underwent the stresses of school and life together - eating together, cleaning, socializing, studying, and all of that.  I say "cleaning" because they were neat freaks who thought a dirty dish lying in the sink for more than five minutes might spur Ebola or something........they had good intentions, but a little over the top (and no, I don't care if they read this - we all had this discussion more than once).  Anyways, we were tight, and that was an environment I had to get use to.

Now I'm getting use to a different environment.  I'm in a bigger apartment with less (muuuuch less) stuff, much less noise, much less company, and a lot more time (school ended) to just sit around and think.  I spent the better part of last weekend with my family.  I love them all dearly, and had a great time with everyone....but spending time with the group of people I feel closest to, and then moving into a big lonely apt probably wasn't a good idea.  Besides the fact that the couple living here before me didn't really clean - I'm talking dirty bathroom and fridge - I like the apt as a whole.   It's perfect for me.  Here are a few things that have hit me though in the last week. 

1.  Did you know you have to BUY garbages?  This is AMERICA - come on!  I had the bags and everything, but found to my utter horror that there was nothing to put them in.  Right now I have a card-board box with a garbage bag sitting in it off to the side of the living room.  Can you say "classy"!?

2.  Moving in has made me realize that I have more crap than anyone should have at 22 years of age.  I am Erwin's grandson. 

3.  Cleaning supplies are fricking expensive.  Cleaning up someone else's bathroom nastiness is insult to injury. 

4.  Apparently NASA is in the business of making washers and driers.  Also, you pretty much have to have an engineering degree in order to get either one to work.  I did two whole loads yesterday before I realized that there's a special compartment for laundry detergent - I guess it dispenses the soap at an even rate for maxi blah blah blah.  When did the dump/pour method become unacceptable?  I'm out of the loop...

5.  This is the last one, and it's a biggie.  I don't have a microwave.  For those of you who read that last sentence quickly....read it again....I'll wait.  Besides the fact that I have like five total food items in my fridge (milk, leftovers, liquid taco seasoning that probably doesn't even need to be in there, apples, and I kid you not - a beer I found in the bottom of my suitcase from last August), and a whole lot of boxed stuff, I can hardly cook any of it.  Oatmeal on the range?  Reheat casserole in the oven??  Who do I look like - Julia Child? (anyone who has seen what Julia Child looks like can probably allow themselves a good evil chuckle right now....)  All kidding aside, I'm dying here.  I have a co-worker who was suposed to drop a used one by today.  I called and asked if she had it in her car, and she laughed (she laughed!) and said that she had forgotten it.  Would you laugh if you forgot to bring a bleeding man a band-aid?  Okay....enough on that.

Alright, this should hold all of you readers over.  I'll start updating again regularly.

- J

I had a new experience yesterday.  A friend of mine asked me to go tanning.  She said it would be free and painless.  It was definately free.

I don't want to go into it too much, but lets put it this way:  Most people, by the time they hit 22, have exposed their skin to some sun.  There's a leathering effect - a buildup of tough stin that defends the body against thos powerful UV rays.  The body is protected.

Now imagine, if you will, that there's a part of your body the sun has never touched.  There is no protection.  Nothing.  Go ahead and expose that skin. 

Like I said, it was definately free.

I'm writing this at the end of a very long day.  So far, I've worked Mon, Wed, Thur, Fri, and will work tomorrow (Sat).  While all of you with real jobs are probably thinking, "Ha!  Welcome to reality...", I have to admitt that I'm wiped.  I'm pulling 18 credits this semester, working about 35 hours a week (and STILL owe tuition), trying to get ready for finals, and pulling some volunteer hours with the kids here and there.  I need a 36 hour day.  This is probably my ignorance coming through, but I gotta tell ya - the day when I have to get a regular job is looking pretty sweet. 

Love

Okay, this is going to be a short post.  I'm taking a little study break from writing my philosophy mid-term.  I'm writing about fear  and how it pertains to environmentalism (things actually aren't as bad as you'd think they are...).  If it sounds like an interesting topic, read Michael Crichton's "State of Fear".  It kind of inspired me (okay, very much inspired me). 

I was really really bored the other day and decided to take a took a look at the Yahoo personal ads.  Now before you start to make up your little assumptions, I should say that I was NOT looking for a date...get your head out of the gutter.  All you have to do is type in your zip code and see who shows up from your area.  Then you point and lau....nevermind.  My friend Todd and I use to go on there to see if we could find anyone we knew. 

Well, this particular time, I was in luck.  I hit the jackpot.  I found somoene I know really really well.

Me

That's right folks:  Someone played a trick on me. They pulled my picture off of this blog, created an account, and gave out my real e-mail address (which means it's probably a classmate of mine).  I'll  never really know who did it even though I have the sneaking suspicion it's one of my roomates.  Can't they  just flush the toilet while I'm in the shower??  Come on!  My father's days of leaning garbage cans filled with water up against the RA's door are long over.  This is the techno age.   You can  now get emberassed in front of millions of people with the simple click of a mouse-pad.  That ad could be on there for years!  The person who created it was a sly one too:  They created a legitimate add.  Didn't try to make it over the top or say somthing emberassing.  Oh no - they made it look like I'm really a nice guy who desperately wants to find love. 

What's worse is that it's filed under the Dordt zip-code.  I know people who regularly check the personal adds hoping to find someone they know, hoping they can do exactly what I was trying to do - find someone to laugh at.  It's only a matter of time! I should also mention out of conscious that I probably deserve this.  We have a JUST God and I'm sure I'm up for somthing....

I don't know what's more sad:  1) That I'm on a personal add site or 2) that I haven't had any responses in the month I've been "available".  Now that's depressing... 

So, if you're the person who created the account - hahahahahahahahahaha - okay, it was funny.  Really, I laughed... I tip my hat to how much of a superior prankster you truly are.  I have been humbled.  Now please take it off.  If you don't, I swear I'll -------- do absolutely nothing.  You're the only one with the password to get into the account.

That being said, I'm back off to my term paper.  I Hope all of you who aren't responsbile for the personal ad get a good laugh out of it.  HA.........Ha............ha..........

Jason